Nine

We took a scooter each, thee and me, and headed out into the dark towards the beach. You wanted to find the first star of the evening. Down we go, weaving in and out and past each other. The dark warms and holds us in our own little bubble. Over the cobbles and across the lights we laugh, though this is serious fun. 

Down on the stones we look out over the sea. All the stars are cocooned away in the cloudy sky. 

'Never-mind' you say, 'lets scoot.'

Along the front we whirl and twirl, looping and figuring eights.

'Like this Mummy'

Then we stop and sit. You wipe the bench with your sleeve and explain the magic of the stars. I watch the city lights flashing and winking. Blurring past our stillness.

On the way home you ask me

'What do you wish for mummy?'

Eight

This is my favourite cup. I am always pleased when it happens to be at the front of the cupboard, waiting for one teabag or another. We get on well the cup and I. It’s smooth rimmed, sturdy weight reassures me that, actually, all is well. 

I daydream journeys. My cup of tea takes me to far-flung adventures; all the colours of the world are collected by my trusty camper. And then, revived, I return. Eyes open into the deep, insular square of my kitchen. But my cup still whispers:

'The world waits for you yet'

Seven

  

Sat on the train you pick up the pendants around my neck.

‘What that mummy?’ Little fingers move the beads, up, down and along the thin chain.

‘It’s a heart bead that Louie gave me’

‘Neckyoull?’ 

“Yes, on my necklace”

Kneeling on my lap you quietly contemplate the mismatched jewels. Then, satisfied, all are dropped and you throw your arms around my neck.

‘Tired mummy’ you sigh before leaning backwards and shaking your head from side to side until the wisps of hair swoosh around your face. 

Eyes closed a small smile grows until you laugh, delighted with this new accomplishment. 

And we glow in the shining golden warmth around us.

Six

'I don't need my wellies today' you told me. 'I don't feel like getting wet or muddy.'

I don't think you could resist.

The silt left behind in the bath after soaking your jeans-socks-legwarmers-jumper and shoes was so beautiful. We made prints.

[post-script: you stripped off and jumped in to wash it all away before running a hot deep bath and taking a long afternoon soak. And this makes me smile every time I think of it.]

Five

This is what we do

We change

And fold

And wipe and clean

This is what we do

We feed and bathe and sort and tidy

This is what we do

This is what we do

We smile

And laugh

And pick and press

This is what we do

We fix and make and play and sing

This is what we do

This is what we do

We wait

And save

 And think and hold

This is what we do

We cry and rage and shout and frown

This is what we do

Four

My elders

Teach me

Quiet voices whispering 

My story

Smoky threads infusing

A sense of self

The Elder

Grows here

Prolific blooms suffusing

The hedgerows

Bittersweet flowers connecting 

A sense of earth

My children 

Beside me

Quiet breaths diffusing

Into ether

Silent stories healing

A sense of soul

Three

Birds circle the old pier. Flocking like streamers
Ribbons and threads thrown to the wind
Up. Down
Around the silhouetted frames shapes morphing effortlessly 
from circle to teardrop and back to ribbon. 

We stopped on the way back from the park.
“What?”
you asked.
“Look at the birds” I said, “can you see?”

“Oh” 

We stood for maybe 10 minutes. No one noticed
On the way home you wanted to push.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I saw them again today
In the half-light at dusk
Looping and swirling around the burnt out timbers
As the day faded away
 We walked to the railings above the beach
 Colours striped up from the heavy blue sea
Blunt against a bright horizon
The light fighting
And blurring through a wall of cloud
Grey, navy, black and dark
Stretching back overland and towards home. 

My heart stopped at the beauty of it. 

“I want to go on the beach”, you said. 

And the blue of your eyes fills me with wonder
For the whole world is held there within.